Christianity and Divorce

My parents divorced when I was in junior high. My dad had been recently been to prison and my family had been through a few tumultuous years of moving, job hunting, new schools, and learning how to scrape by. My father had a lot of issues at the time, one being our family had lost our financial status that my father had attained through 17 hard years of working at the same job. He owned a nice house with a huge yard, a pool, a garage with a basketball hoop, a pool with a deck, and a swing set for his kids. That was all gone and was not attainable anytime in the near future. My father was working a job that was two hours away at the time and financially our family seemed to be getting nowhere. I think this got to my dad, he couldn't take it, and so he left. My parents divorced. My mom was left to raise and support us financially. She did a pretty darn good job. My brother and I are both in college, my sister is going to be soon, and we really never had want of anything.

My family became more serious about our Christian faith when I was in high school. By family, I mean my brother, sister, mother and myself. My father wasn't a huge part of the picture at this point. However, through seeing God's impact on my brother and I's lives, my dad became a Christian. My father, the man who I spent nights and nights praying to come around, the man who went to prison, who struggled with alcohol, was now a Christian. Incredible.

Ever since then I've constantly pondered divorce. My parents are both Christians, and this is what Jesus says about divorce:

"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of
divorce.' But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for
marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who
marries the divorced woman commits adultery." (Matthew 5:31-32)

"I hate divorce, says the Lord God of Israel." Malachi 2:16a

My dad was unfaithful to my mother during their marriage, but that was before he became a Christian. Now he is remarried. Is he committing adultery every time he is with his new wife? Is this, in turn, causing her to commit adultery? If this is the case, it's hard to decide what is to be done about it. He is legally married to his new wife, so to stop this sin would mean to divorce her, but that also is a sin. It's just messy.

The dilemma of divorce brings to light the main message of the Bible: Forgiveness and reconciliation. Man sinned, God enacted a plan to reconcile and forgive man, man sinned some more, God punished them so his plan could come to fruition but also forgave them several times, and then God gave his only Son as a necessary sacrifice to destroy the gap between himself and man. God's plan throughout history has been to forgive us and reconcile us to himself through Jesus Christ. Divorce is the exact opposite of that in the marital context. Divorce happens when one or both parties feel the marriage is a failure, and no amount of forgiveness or grace can overcome the problems that exist. That's never true. Through Christ, all things are possible.

This is lofty talk, talk that is difficult, if seemingly impossible, to enact in real life. That's what's great about Jesus Christ. Of course these things are impossible. Of course it's impossible for us to always do the right thing or to always forgive those who do not do the right thing. That's where Christ comes in. His death and sacrifice ended our problems with those things forever. The Spirit we receive after believing in Him convicts us and drives us to do what is right. We experience freedom. We see the world for what it is. In essence, our hearts are completed in the way God designed them to be. Therefore we can strive to be sinless and we can strive to forgive, even if it means forgiving a spouse who lied, cheated, or was just a downright mean person. Even if we don't do these things always, we are forgiven, and we tell God we're sorry, and that love and kindness spurns us on to become better people.

Divorce is okay only after one of the parties has been unfaithful, but I think it's clear in the Bible that Christ still wants a husband or wife to forgive, no matter how grievous the adultery was. As we see time and time again, Christ creates a change in a heart attitude that leads to actual real world change, such as forgiving a spouse, even if that spouse has messed up him or herself.